After a third suggestion by my nurse practitioner that I might like to try a gluten free lifestyle to alleviate some of my digestive and inflammatory issues, I decided to give it a try just after the new year. I didn’t do any research. I just gave up wheat, barley, rye and sugar. Also dairy for a short while. I was determined to see it through, at least for a month. An experiment. I would bring my curiosity and journal along for the ride, find new recipes, explore gluten free grocery isles and play! What I didn’t anticipate was that I would get ill, flu like symptoms without the fever, from the withdrawal of wheat and sugar.  In a conscious effort to tap into my resilient spirit, I was not about to give up, so I googled and found a blog by the author of Wheat Belly Diet, Dr. Davis on Wheat withdrawal.

I followed the advise in his blog, added supplements, gave myself lots of extra rest, nurturing and compassion, as I counted the hours and days to feeling better. In those days I experienced so many emotions. I felt blessed to have the privilege of purchasing quality, fresh foods from our farmer’s market. I was grateful to be taking good care of myself. I also felt deprived, all alone, and pissed off as I watched my husband and others eat “the usual”. I was overcome with rampant fear. SCARCITY. I was stewing in lack.  I was now deprived of my most favorite foods and actually hoped I wouldn’t feel any better and could skip this whole silly experiment.

I don’t know if I could’ve shifted this feeling of deprivation if it were not for the groundbreaking research of Dr. Brené Brown. She writes and teaches about our current scarcity culture.  We are steeped in not enough — not thin enough, not rich enough, not smart enough. We don’t get enough sleep. We don’t get enough vacation. Our outer and inner worlds just aren’t enough!  From the perspective of scarcity, what I thought would bring me renewed vitality and health was doing less than nothing, a waste of time and effort, because for those few days I was focused on deprivation, choosing scarcity rather than gratitude, scarcity rather than enough. I had lost sight of how blessed I am to even have the knowledge, privilege and means to make this kind of change in my life. After I allowed myself to whine and feel deprived, I made the choice to step into ENOUGH.  I no longer say “I can’t”, but “I choose”.  I affirm that the foods I choose are enough. The lifestyle I choose is enough. The rest I get and work I do are enough. My life is enough.  And at the end of each day, no matter how I’ve succeeded or failed in fulfilling my own expectations, I truly am enough. P.S. I’m sticking with it. I feel better. And that is enough.