I gave up hiking for the better part of two years. Not because I wanted to, but because my body wouldn’t let me. There was no “believing” that could overcome the reality of the near impossibility, yes — even if my life depended on it — of hiking. For many months, walking 400 feet to the mailbox and back was my biggest effort of the day, and I only managed that because I BELIEVED that I could and that it would be good for me to challenge myself.
Since I’ve been regaining my strength and challenging myself more and more each week, I have had to adjust my choices and be realistic. I’m unlikely to climb a mountain if I can’t go farther than the mailbox and back. I make slow and steady progress as I keep in my awareness the importance of attitude. If I’m in a bad mood, whiny, think I can’t — I absolutely can’t. I won’t. I’ll resist and complain and not even try. My old shadow beliefs* that I’m not good enough surface and if I don’t recognize what’s happening, sabotage is the result.
Sunday, on a beautiful hike back in my favorite stomping grounds in the Adirondack Mountains, I wondered if I had taken on too much with the decision to “do” this hike that I had “done” twice before and always found challenging. However the pull of the reward of getting to the top and the encouragement of my husband won me over. As I usually do, I decided at the trail head how long I thought it would take to get to the top, based on distance, past experience, trail guides, etc. I play a game with myself, “believing” it will take “this much time”, usually over-estimating, so I can be pleasantly surprised at the top.
As we walked, I thought about how far I had come, to challenge myself with this particular hike, not really knowing if I could be successful. I was a little worried that I might not make it.
And then something happened, I allowed a “shift” to occur, a shift from “maybe it’s too much”, to “maybe I can”, to “I believe I can”, to “I know I can”. A smile crossed my face as I knew that in that brief moment everything changed. It didn’t matter if I didn’t make it, I believed in myself again, even if it mean turning around.
On Monday, when I shared this experience with a support group that I facilitate, one of the wise women asked me if I have regained the strength I once had and I shook my head NO. I’ve been sitting with that question and my response ever since. Somewhere along this journey I believed that I would never regain the strength I once had. Now I’ve decided that when I believe in myself I am always at my personal best. Now the answer to that question, Judy, is YES.
*thank you Debbie Ford for helping me understand that my unconscious “shadow” beliefs rule what is possible for me and further that by shifting them, a world of possibility is mine. Suggested reading: “The Secret of the Shadow” by Debbie Ford.