I have not been writing, except a bit in my journal. Even then, I pick up a pen and have few words to describe the strangeness of my feelings.
After all, I’ve never lived through a pandemic before. Notice I wrote LIVED. Still alive. Still uncertain.
I have lived through and witnessed social disparity and racial injustice. Notice I wrote THROUGH, as though those of us who lived through the 60s saw its end. No, we are still on this journey. I’ve never before owned up to my white privilege. I’m working on it. Reading more, learning more. Being and doing better.
I’ve never worn a mask before, except when I was ill, waiting for urgent care. Pre-pandemic, masks were so strange — yet most of us have a adapted. Grabbing a mask on the way out the door (color coordinated or generic) and wearing it in public is the new normal.
We’ve managed to get through the uncertainty of a divisive political campaign with 50 days to go until the inauguration of our new president.
More and more, normalizing uncertainty, new ways of being and doing — leaning in.
Even as I write these words, I sense it will be obsolete before you read it. Does it have to be certain? It’s only this moment in time. The idea that anything is/was ever certain is my biggest rumble of the last 7+ months. Remember the expression, “You know how to make God laugh?…”
And still we plan. I plan. It’s part of our humanness. In reflection, I’ve had nearly as many plans FAIL as come to fruition. Maybe more! The college I wanted — didn’t happen. The high school sweetheart who was to be my life partner — dashed. The vacation(s) — cancelled. The successful medical treatment — first one failed. The marriage to my son’s father — ended. The healing of wounded relationships — still hopeful. The workshops — ugh. All plans based on intuition, love, hopes, dreams, expectations…
God, Goddess, The Universe, Fates, had other plans.
Leaning in, having faith, that whether the plan is a go or has to be scrapped or amended, it’s all okay. I’m okay. I can hold the space for whatever is meant to be within the uncertainty of the moment.
Many plans for 2020 were made well before the pandemic hit. Some had to be cancelled without question, though disappointing. Others waited. And waited. And waited. In the case of the “live, in person” workshops and retreat scheduled for the summer, we waited until the very last moment. We were all hanging on, hopeful, holding space within the uncertainty. https://wiawaka.org/
The workshops and Rising Strong™ Retreat happened. Not the way they were planned. We were fewer and thrived. We wore masks and survived. We were extra careful before we met to be sure we were as healthy as possible. We took good care of ourselves and our sisters throughout our time together. We leaned in and held uncertainty as our model of success.
Let’s dream. Let’s grow our dreams. Think big. Plan. Be uncertain. Whatever happens, plans dashed, thrashed, downsized or not-how-I-thought-it-would-look, Goddess willing, we’ll have a story to tell to our grandchildren.
Stay safe. Stay strong.
Cate LaBarre 
Thank you Cate. 💕 Nothing stays the same. Nature is constantly changing as we are. We remember the past but we cannot hold on to it. We are only in the now. For me, saddness was my first emotion then anxiety. I didn’t want to do much of anything, all discombobulated!! Then fear joined in. Thats crippling!! I am trying to treat myself kindly. Quiet time, Spiritual time. Nothing is of urgency any more.
So true, Chrissey. Change is constant. Fear is crippling. Self-kindness is key to going with the flow. Thank you for your thoughtful comments.
Appreciate your words. I have to remind myself that what feels like such a prison can lead to freedom. Love the photos. Much love to you. L
Lorraine, what a fabulous gift of realization — “What feels like such a prison can lead to freedom.” Thank you for sharing. Yes, the photos… our “happy place”!
Your words reflect a lot of my stuff, too. So much uncertainty, and yet we persevere. I am hopeful, and I appreciate you shining a light into a better tomorrow! Love you!
Yes, we persevere, Barbie. I guess that’s who we are and exactly who we want to be. The only way out is through. I’m so grateful to be on this journey with you. Love you back.
This is so true! It is always nice to know we are not alone in our thoughts. Reflecting back is not a bad thing as long as we can keep moving forward to be our best self.
Stay strong. Much love to you Cate.
I adore how you are showing up in the world, Dawn, truly striving to be your best self and helping so many along the way. Yes, we are not alone. Love back to you. Thank you for your comments.
This is amazing. What is the name of the woman that chatted with the Rt. Rev. Michael Curry.
Thank you. Dr. Brené Brown. My teacher. Here’s the link to her podcast. https://brenebrown.com/podcasts/
Cate, Your words, when found, are always , tender, touching and full of wisdom. Thank you.
Thank you, Elyn. You’re acknowledgment means the world to me. May you be safe.
Leaning in has been so very trying and difficult. Wondering what news will come with the next rising of the sun. Pandemic; a word I knew from history textbooks or sci fi thrillers. Never to have thought we would be a part of one. The struggles , heartaches, anxiety, sadness, and uncertainty of each day . The separation of our great country bringing out the worst in some and the best in others. I get up each day and lean in, planning for the worst; hoping for the best. This has been a time of great self reflection, sometimes seeing things I do not understand. I am blessed, I am healthy, I am loved, and love. Thank you Cate for everything you have helped me to learn and understand. 😗🎄❤️ Will always hold the pandemic group very close to my heart….