“Be Yourself. Everyone Else is Taken”

I’ve been struggling lately — wondering who I am, what IS my purpose, what’s next for me. A number of life’s events converged to bring about this past year of diffusion. I was knocked flat for nine months by a medical treatment for hepatitis C only to learn the treatment didn’t work. In the middle of it all I turned 60. I haven’t totally regained my former strength, I don’t know if I will and wonder if it’s possible or if it really matters. I’m writing a book that keeps changing. My husband just had orthopedic surgery. He’s strong and will recover well, but the whole experience makes us both feel vulnerable.

OK, I said it. Vulnerable.

I know that being vulnerable is part of my humanity. I know that being flawed is all I can be. It isn’t humanly possible to be perfect. I wasn’t a perfect student, parent, sister, daughter or spouse. I never had a perfect body or perfect health. I don’t have a perfect kid.  I am grateful that I’ve never sought a perfect life, how exhausting to strive for the impossible. My life is perfectly imperfect, the truth of our human existence.

Even though I’ve expressed and shared much of my vulnerability, I also see that there are layers of vulnerability. Just being willing to allow myself to be vulnerable is a courageous act. I’m not a victim and I’m immensely grateful for my life.  I live in gratitude; I have a wonderful life, even as I haven’t a clue. My opportunity now is to take the next step in embracing and loving the confused, aimless part of me and let go of the need to figure out who I am.

I sometimes envy people who are so sure, so solid in their ego identities. They don’t wonder who they are; they just DO who they are. At the same time, I appreciate the richness and depth of allowing myself to be in “not knowing” and surrender to “not knowing” as part of my journey.

So I write, coach, mentor, take walks, dance, nap, love, play, laugh, honor my needs, stay connected to others and, yes, plan for the future. I’ll be myself, because I truly can’t be anyone else.

(Be yourself. Everyone else is taken. — quote by Oscar Wilde)

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3 Responses to “Be Yourself. Everyone Else is Taken”

  1. CoachBarbie says:

    Thanks for the great example of how to be where we are and what we are … even when we don’t know what either of those things is in the moment. Sometimes I feel sure … today I haven’t a clue. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Sending love.

  2. Deb Moran says:

    I relate so well to your blog and can relate so well with your feelings of vulnerabilty. Thanks for writing it.
    Love,
    Deb

  3. Kris says:

    And we are all in the Dance together… Vulnerable. Venerable. Very.
    Thank you, Catie, for your beautiful, openheartedly vulnerable perspective.
    Love, Kris

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