My husband and I spent a relaxing week in Maine. We visited a lighthouse, walked on a beautiful beach, went whale watching, road bikes, paddled around a salt marsh, hiked a trail, rested, reconnected and ate lobster! I chose an eccentric, off-the-beaten-path B&B that had a four star chef owner but barely any cell service and no internet available to guests. I immediately let go of that as a necessity. The work I thought I was going to do was easily put aside — I was on vacation after all. I checked my email a few times a day but only responded if it was timely or I felt like it. Though I posted a few pictures on Facebook and popped in a few times to check on my friends, after a few days I even let that go. During our time away, I realized that I have become dependent on Facebook. Over the last few months I have stopped email notification for most of my private groups, as I noticed that I was spending way too much time checking in, not wanting to miss anything, needing to add my voice, my opinion.
At this moment I can’t explain exactly what it “looks like” to take a break from Facebook. I’m going to post this blog. I’m not going to shut down my page. What I do know is that there is something significant that I am on the edge of “knowing”. I’ve always felt a need to be important, though rarely the center of attention. I hate missing out. I used to go to parties I really didn’t want to attend. I couldn’t figure out if it was because I thought I’d miss something or because I wanted to be sure that no one would talk about me behind my back!
I got over that a decade ago and it’s been years since I’ve been consumed by the latest in pop culture, television shows and movies. I watch PBS New Hour, read Huffington Post and get news from other on-line news sources. I’ll admit it, I tend to be a bit reclusive without being an outright recluse! Truth be known, I’m not important at all, I’m rather BORING! And my fear is the line between finding more “space” for me and being an outright recluse. My therapist calls me a friendly introvert. He’s being kind.
As I traverse the path of “less than” before, I want to be in the world but not consumed by it. I yearn to find that balance point and this is my intention.
I’ll see you on Facebook and maybe you’ll even see me, but not as much. At least not for a while!