Tomorrow’s my birthday.  It seems like I am always in a weird mood around my birthday. Like no one will remember.  But that’s not it, because I’ve never been completely forgotten.  Or that the years are going by much too quickly.  Well, that is certainly my experience and I don’t like it.  As much as I intend to live in the moment and enjoy each day, the days fly by, turning into weeks and months, and mid-October I’m not even used to writing 2010 yet.

It seems to have more to do with my purpose.  I love my work, where I live, my family and friends.  I believe I’m pretty healthy.  I have a good life. Yet it seems that every year around my natal new year, I wonder if there is more.  Something I am called to create or be.  My challenge is to get quiet enough to listen to the whispering of my soul.  It’s scary sometimes.  What if I hear something I don’t want to do or be? What if it means working weekends?  What if it means turning my life upside down? What if it really does mean getting up at 5 AM to write?

Maybe that’s why I fear getting quiet enough to listen. To be in the mystery of the light of my soul. I might not “like” what I hear.

This year will be different. I will give myself the birthday gift of listening to the whispering of my soul instead of ignoring it, filling the silence with sound and busy-ness and fleeing into the future.