On Thursday, I had a conversation with a coaching colleague about the power of Spiritual Divorce/Heal Your Heart coaching as she shared with me a little bit about her divorce and how she feels this work saved her life. We shared ideas about book studies and tele-classes and I left the call both excited about our shared passion and somewhat uncomfortable. That discomfort was just a hint of what our talk began to stir up by the next morning.
The same evening, I led the final call of a six week tele-class called Meeting the Shadow. I was honored to offer this class and humbled by how participants were impacted. What I didn’t expect was how deeply I would be affected by leading this class. I was curious and excited about what was coming up for me: new gifts, a richness and depth of shadow and light I hadn’t anticipated. If participants got only a fraction of what I experienced, it was a great class.
Next morning, in a content mood, driving on a beautiful spring morning for business and a visit with my son, I heard my inner voice loud and clear. That inner voice soon became an outer voice as I said out loud, “It’s time to let go and heal from ______.” (My first lost love) You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was shaking. I had to pull the car over and pull myself together. That afternoon, I called another coaching colleague to ask for support. Though I was aware she has been struggling with whether to do more coaching or concentrate on her other business, I needed to talk to someone I knew would understand. She shared with me that she was just praying, asking for guidance, when my call came. Each of us received a message from the divine. Both of our prayers were answered.
I shared with her that I couldn’t believe that it had taken me so long to address the shame, regret and guilt of the loss of my first love. How long have I been doing this work? How could I NOT see that I had been intellectualizing, rationalizing and denying the depth of this wound? I felt it; there was no denying it any longer. The world’s largest adhesive bandage had just been torn off my heart revealing a huge hole. In her great wisdom, she reminded me of what I tell my clients when they ask themselves and me, “What took me so long?” She said, “Cate, it’s time. You weren’t ready. Now you’re ready. And I’m ready to coach you.” Thank God.
I shared my decision with my husband, not sure how he would respond. “First love” seems to be a thorn in the side of many partners. Wow, clearly that is a projection of MY stuff. The thorn is in MY side! My husband is fully supportive of my decision. I know, in the deepest core of my being, that healing from this early loss that I have never fully faced, will allow me to be more loving with my husband, because I will be more loving with me.
I’ll keep you posted.